What do you do when the illussions collapse?

When all the illusions collapse one after the other, leaving you stripped, thats when the real suffering begins.

Until you still have dreams, visions, expectations, ambitions, illusions of fulfilled goals, you can evade the real suffering , fooling yourself with another one and another one. But when you run out of cards, when the illusions dont serve you any more because they get revealed before you, then what do you do? Where do you hide ? When there are no more tricks to believe or even playing them without believing them because are too fucking exhausting, what do you do? How much more time you can buy before you get totally disgusted with yourself and your dishonesty? Thats where  “your life responsibilities” help out. You can set up a net of slavery with your job or career, your wife or husband or girlfriend or lover or your kids growing up , pretty long term responsibilities that occupy time in absolute terms, in a apparent external manner beyond your control. These responsibilities dont let you have control of your life because if you would indeed had control, you wouldn’t know what to do with it and would be obliged to face the hard truth of the fucking shit you are swimming in.

 Freedom? Yeah right everyone supposedly craves it but ask someone who has it and you ll confront how useless it is, it does not liberate you in the way you would expect…well it does liberate you from the illusions but leaves you with no place to run to, the fucking emptiness that drives you nuts and you want to jump back to the samsara because you think you can hide a bit longer…but for how long ? the deeper the honesty and liberation, the more trapping it becomes. You are supposedly free to shape your life anyway you want and do whatever you want and in a limited way you are…but not really because all the tools, all the desires all the memories all the rewards and punishments are already known, all of them are false, and serve simply to keep you enslaved .

How can you do anything you want with your life if all the causes, all the tools and all the dreams are corrupted false bullshit ? How do you really honestly deal with that , once you confront it face to face and you know you have no way to run away from?

Obviously if there is a single element that has the potential to extricate you from this shithole is love….but how exactly ?  when every concept, interpretation, aspiration or form of sharing it has already being contaminated and even the truly pure bursts of it coming directly from the Source…are actually getting hijacked so quickly that they become your own viral enemies ?

and then what happens with your fears ? as long as you have them and hold on tight to them, you are “safe” , safe in the shithole…but what happens when even the fears stop working , when the glimpsing at the illusions destroys your fears as well ? What would you do without fears ? So now you have no hopes and no fears…so you are free !!! but is this a victory really ? why does not feel at all like one? What has been gained ? Wisdom ? but for what purpose and at what cost ?

 and getting back to love, what you do with it ? just feel it and recycle it internally, share it intimately in an intense way, share it with many others through actions ? Aren’t all of these choices false as well ? the 1st one is a drug, the 2nd one is almost like a self induced Stockholm syndrome and the 3rd one pure arrogance believing or trying to convince yourself and others that you make a difference. How to love then ? How to feel it ? how to express it? how to share it? and why ? If you do it because you believe it makes a difference you are already fucked into the arrogance….If you dont even express it and lets assume that you dont fall into the self righteous trap or arrogance…it is just a fucking drug to sedate you from all the shit that goes around and you choose to paint it pink…